• Pedro Afif

Why You Don't Get What You Want!

Updated: Jul 5, 2019

I want to go to Rome. He wants to be loved. She wants to feel empowered. Ze wants to be embraced. They want apples. What do we all have in common? None of us have what we are wanting; at least just yet. Not Rome, not being loved, empowered, or embraced, not even apples. I’m not trying to be fatalistic, but in all truth, the reality of desiring something is that we currently do not have it or even if we do, at times we’re so afraid of losing it that it’s continually leaving us and therefore we continuously want it. In the majority of the cases, this produces a deep, often unconscious, feeling of lack. Now, turn this wanting into a prayer or an affirmation and repeat it endlessly, what emotions will result from that experience? You’re right, some version of feelings sustained by lack, by the undebatable fact that you do not have or are what you want to have or be.


This “phenomenon” happens because our brains do not differentiate between wish and deed; your mind may know that what you’re wishing is not happening now, but unconsciously your brain experiences the same reaction as if it was while you imagine it. So while you repeat incessantly “I want to be this, I want to have this,” your brain is experiencing the fact that you’re wanting it, not that you will have it.


Now, what I’m about to say it no news because it has been said hundreds of times in a variety of ways, but it remains true. A prayer (manifestation, meditation or the name you use to refer to how you connect with the divine) must be fueled by gratitude. The creation of an abundant life just cannot be driven by emotions of lack.


I’m saying that creating what you want in life needs to be driven by the grateful certainty that you already have it, and I can almost hear you thinking “here goes another one that says – pretend that what you want is outside your door and it’ll come to you.” Well no, this is not what I mean at all. I intend to say that what you think you’re looking for, you are not. Nobody wants money for the money, but for what you create with it in your life. No one wants health, love, security just for the sake of it; we want it for what it makes us experience.


If you seek within, you will find without a doubt that you have had the experience you’re looking for somewhere in your lifetime, perhaps in a different way but it is there. I can assure you that you're currently experiencing a version of what you want and you may not be aware of it. This is what you’re to be grateful for, where you’re to anchor your gratitude to because that is what you truly seek, this is the experience that must permeate to the present moment; the rest will follow. For example: When we feel, say happy, we have more happy thoughts that trigger happy actions and create happy experiences resulting in happier feelings forming happier habits creating a happier reality.


Another example. Say you’re looking for financial success, and after digging, you understand that what’s important to you is the freedom and calm that comes with financial success and its lifestyle. The task is to find moments of your life where you already are free and calm, aspects of your lifestyle that you highly value now, and become thankful for that experience; thus starting the virtuous cycle of creation. Let me ask you, with what mindset will it be more likely that you think thoughts, have ideas, make choices and take inspired action towards your financial success? One aligned with the lack of not having? Or a mindset aligned with the freedom and calm that you seek? Yeah, I think so too.


The key is in going within, realizing that we carry inside what we’re looking for outside, becoming profoundly grateful for it and allowing that gratitude to permeate to the present moment, fuelling our actions from an elevated mindset.


Now if you’re asking yourself: “If I don’t want what I think I want, how do I find what I want?”


Very easy, answer these simple questions honestly, and you’ll be surprised. That’s right!

I've included basic examples after the dash just for guidance.


  1. What do I want to have or be? – Financial success

  2. What will that enable me to do? – Travel, spend without fear, sleep relaxed

  3. What will that allow me NOT to do? – Stress over bills

  4. What will that prevent me from doing? – Pilling up debt and being in poverty

  5. What will that prevent me from NOT doing? – Working my soul out without enjoying life

  6. How does this make me feel? – Free and calm

  7. What do I really want? – Freedom and calm

  8. What will I look for in my life so I can anchor my gratitude to? – Where in my life I currently experience freedom and calm


So the takeaway is that you need to take a look within and understand what you want. Search your life for times you feel familiar with what you want to experience, for ways in which you already have what you want. Connect with that experience becoming deeply grateful for it and allow that sensation to permeate your present feelings, thoughts, actions and choices.


When we’re synchronized and thankful for what we genuinely want there is no more fear of not getting it; without that threat, creating the means to achieve it, like money or a trip or apples, is just simpler.



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